This week in Literacy we have been reading and retelling a short story called 'Kidnapped' by Pie Corbett.
Somebody was coming up the stairs! Ducking down behind an old crate, we waited. I could feel my heart thumping like a bass drum and my throat felt tight and dry with dust…and the crush of fear. What if we were caught? The strange girl glanced at me through the semi-gloom and grinned. I thought that she was trying to be reassuring.
Gradually, the door opened and we could hear someone tiptoeing in. There was a pause and then a torch flickered on. Its beam stabbed the darkness, seeking us out, nosing into all the hidden corners. Holding my breath, I tried to make myself as small as possible. After a few moments, the light switched off. Whoever it wasstood quite still, listening. We could hear each rasping breath. Then the door shut and the footsteps clicked back down the stairs. Relieved, I let out a sigh. As we clambered out of the window and slithered down the wet roof, I was trying to remember how I had got into such a mess.
It had only been half an hour ago when Mum had sent me down to the chippie with a tenner and strict orders for no vinegar on her chips. When I reached the Stroud roundabout, I couldn’t help looking at the old house. It was ready for demolition, which was a shame because we had played there for years! It was then that I’d seen it; a light at the window. Then I saw a face. I stood there staring. It was a girl, mouthing a word and the word was, ‘HELP’.
That’s how it happened. I’d broken in round the back through a smashed window. Half a minute later and I’d found her, a trapped prisoner in an upstairs room. She’d only just finished telling me that she was the American ambassador’s daughter, Cindy Breakwell, and about the ransom money when the kidnappers had returned to move her to a safe house.
So there we were, balancing on the wall, as if we were walking the plank. Gripping the guttering tightly, I lowered myself down. Five minutes later and we were back at Mum’s. “So Ron, where’s the fish and chips?” she asked, eyeing Cindy suspiciously.
Half an hour after that, Cindy’s Dad arrived in an embassy car. All the net curtains on the St Petroc’s estate started to twitch with curiosity. That night it wasn’t just chips for tea. He took us all out for a big meal. Amazingly, the next day, there I was in the local paper. A hero.
Can you retell the story in your own words? Challenge - Try to retell it in less than 100 words.
Somebody was coming up the stairs we waited behind an old crate my heart was thumping like a base drum. Suddenly the door opened and a torch switched on it lighted up the corners. Then the torch switched of. The person listened quietly and then went back downstairs.
ReplyDeleteI wondered how I got in such a mess.'Oh yes it was just half an hour mum sent me to the chippie with a ten pound note'.When I went past the stroud roundabout I could help looking at the old house for breakdown because I played there for many years.Then I saw a girl mouthing the word 'Help'.I climbed in from the back window and the girl only finished telling she was the Americans ambassador's daughter Cindy Breakwell. Five minutes later we were back at mums' where is the fish and chips said mum'. I told her everything so she called Cindy Breakwell's dad. he came and asked them to have dinner whit them.
The next day was on the the local newspaper as a hero.
THE END
By Aaratrika
You have remembered lots of details Aaratrika - Well done. Have a look at your ending sentence. Can you up-level it?
DeleteMiss Gale
The next day I was on the local newspaper as a hero.
DeleteAaratrika
I sat behind an old toy box and waited for the kidnapper to go. A torch light beamed. The person looked in all the corners and everywhere. The kidnapper listened and went outside.
ReplyDeleteMum gave me ten pounds to get her chips with no vinegar. I went past the old house and saw a girl who needed help. I got in through a smashed window and we came down the guttering. Next thing, we were back at Mum's house. She called the Ambassador, who took everyone (even Cindy, the Ambassador's daughter) for a big meal. The next day I was in the newspaper as a hero.
Why was Cindy in the old house? Miss Gale
DeleteI herd footsteps coming up the stairs. A light flickered on and off then he/she listened quitely then wen't down stairs. I clambered out the window trying to remember how i got into such a mess. It was half an hour ago. When mum sent me down to the chippie with no vinagear. At the stroud roundabout there was a girl mouthing the word HELP. I got in by a broken window thats how it happend.The girl was the american ambassaders daughter Cindy Breakwell. Five minutes later we were back at mum's.
ReplyDeleteAfter Cindy's dad came and took us out for a meal.
A great recount! Don't forget to write your name.
DeleteSomebody was coming up the stairs the door opened and a torch flicker on then it turned off and the person went back done then as we slithered down the wet roof I tried to remember how I got into such a mess it had only been half an hour ago when mum had sent me to the chippie and ordered for no vinegar on her chips when I got to the Stroud roundabout I could not stop looking at the old house it was ready for demolition witch was a shame because we had played there for years then I saw a girl at the window mouthing a word and the word was Help. That's when it happened I'd broken in through a smashed window. Five minutes later we were back at mums saw were's the fish and chips Ron. Half an hour later Cindy's dad came in a embassy car. That night it was't just fish and chips for tea he took us all out for a big meal. The next day there I was in the local paper.
ReplyDeleteSenuda
A fantastic recount Senuda. You have remember lots of details. Now look through your peice of writing for places where to put in a full stop. Miss Gale
ReplyDeleteSomebody was coming up the stairs ducking down behind an old crate we waited I could feel my heart thumping like a bass drum what if we were caute the strange girl smiled at me I thought she was trying to be reassuring suddenly a touch flickered on the person was looking in every hidden corner then the touch flickered off whoever it
ReplyDeletewas stood quit still listening we could here each rasping breath after five minutes he went away I let out a sigh of relife when we were sliding down the gutter I tried to remember how I got into such a mess ah! It was just half an hour ago mum had sent me down to the chippie with a tenner and strict orders for no vinegar on her chips when I reached the stroud roundabout I couldn't stop staring at the old house it was ready for demolition which was a shame because we had played there for years that's when I saw it a face the person was mouthing the word and the word was help so climbed in from the broken window at the back the girl had just finished telling me she was the American ambasiders daughter Cindy Breakwell half an hour later we were back at moms"so where's the fish and chips Ron"said Mom eyeing Cindy suspiciously at that moment there was a nock on the door it was Cindy's dad in an ambasy car it wasn't just chips for dinner they went out to a big meal amazingly the next day there I was in the newspaper a hero.
THE END
by Hifza
kidnapper
ReplyDeleteThey were very scared, hiding behind a crate.held my breath then suddenly the person left. We climbed out of the window and onto the roof .
Mum had sent me to get chips but I had got sidetracked to this abandoned house. I'd seen a young girl in the window shouting HELP!
She was locked upstairs and I got to her through a smashed window and she told me how she was the daughter of an American Ambassador. Her name was Cindy Breakwell and she'd been kidnapped.
Now we were walking across a plank. We'd escaped and soon got to mum's. Cindy's dad arrived shortly afterwards in a flashy car. it was no fish and chips for us that night but an amazing meal. The next day i was a hero with my picture in the local paper!
By Jasleen
Ron Cindy were hiding behind a box Ron's mum said that he shoud go to the chippe Ron mum no viniger on my chips Ron went past the chippe and saw the old house and saw a girl saying help Ron took Cindy to Ron's house then Cindy's dad and lets go to a resteront
ReplyDeleteGurtej
Somebody was coming up the stairs. I was hiding behind an old crate. My heart was thumping loudly like a bass-drum and my throat was crushing with fear and feeling tight with dust. I could not believe who I found, a young American girl called Cindy Breakwell and that I had saved her from being kidnapped. I loved the dinner Cindy's Dad took us out for and it was super-duper delicious.
ReplyDeleteSomebody was coming up the stairs suddenly the door opened and a torch flicked on then it turned off and the kidnapper went back down as We slithered down the wet roof.I tried to remember how i got into such a mess.It had only been half an hour ago when mum had sent me to the chippie with strict orders for no vinegar on her chips.When i got to the Stroud roundabout I could not stop looking at the old house.It was ready for demolition witch was a shame because we had played there for years then i saw a girl at the window mouthing a word and the word was Help!That's how it happened i'd broken in through a smashed window.Five minutes later we were back at mums so were are the fish and chips Ron, looking at Cindy suspiciously.Half an hour later Cindy's dad arrived in a embassy car.That night it wasn't just fish and chips for dinner Cindy's dad took us all out for a big meal.The next day there i was in the local paper a Hero
ReplyDeleteI could feel my heart thumping like a bass drum and my throat felt wtth dust.Gradually the door opened and somebody tiptowing in.Then somebody flick a torch on it's been stabbed into the darkness holding my breath I was trying to make myself as small as was possible.After a moment the light switch off.We could hear every rasping breath.The door shut and the foot steps clickt back down.As we climbed out of the window and slided down the slipery roof.It has only been 30 minutes ago when mum has sent me to the chipi with a tenner.Lather I found her a trapped girl in the upsters room.She'd just been finishing telling me that she's the Americans ambassador's daughter,Cindy Breakwell and about the ransom money when the kidnappers had returned her to a safe house. 5 minutes lather we were back at mum's.So she asked Ron were're fish and chips.Half an hour later Cindy's dad arrived in an embasy car.Then he took us for a big meal.Amazingly, the next day ,ther I was in the local paper.I was a hero.
ReplyDeleteby Maria
Mum sent me down to the chippy to buy some fish and chips for dinner. When she left me I saw a girl in the old house (witch was ready for demolition) mouthing the word " HELP!". I climbed in through the broken window of the up stairs room that she was in and heard some foot steps clicking up the stairs. We hid behind an old crate. Holding my breath I made myself as small as possible. The door opened and the footsteps tip toed in, a torch flicked on, it stabbed the darkness, nosing into every corner. The light flicked off and whoever it was, stood quite still. We could hear every rasping breath. She had just finished telling me she was the American Ambassodor's daughter Cindy Bracewell. 5 minutes later we were back at mums "where's the chips Ron?" Mum said eyeing Cindy suspiciously. Soon Cindy's dad came in, and it was not just chips for dinner, Cindy's dad took us all out to a restaurant. Amazingly the next day I was in the local paper "AS A HERO!".
ReplyDeleteBy Zarah
Hi my name is Brady from the marsh school and I think that story was pretty scary!
ReplyDelete